Half a year. Wow! one thing that I’m happy to say—which I wasn’t too keen about at first—is that it has felt much much longer than 6 months. You know, I spent 6 months away from home at college (even longer in fact), but I always had those holidays and breaks crammed in between quarters and it never really felt like “away from home”.
But for all the hours I’ve spent wishing I was back in my own bed, or standing under a hot shower (the likes of which I haven’t felt for over 3 months), it has made this experience feel much longer. I think that’s something special about traveling and experiencing new things—the mindset shifts, you stop taking simple things for granted, you notice every little aspect of the new life/culture, and somehow it makes the days feel longer.
As boring as my day was, I made sure to appreciate all the little things. A while ago I noticed myself passively passing the days. I felt like I was ready to go home, I fell into my routine, and didn’t even notice the change. I think it was a month ago when I noticed this, and since then I’ve been very good about not slipping into that easy way to bide my time. It’s been hard; the little things that seem so special and magnificent at first, which can independently make an entire day feel exceptional, have since become trivial. This means that to truly appreciate and make every day special now, it takes a lot more effort.
After my work day, I wanted to do something special to celebrate but also pull me back into the wonderstruck mindset. Funny enough, I couldn’t think of anything that would get me there—it seemed like I had done everything and now felt at home in this city. And that was a different kind of revelation.
I decided on a nice evening walk and was out of the house for almost 2 hours. I would, however, be surprised if I made it more than a mile. I was deep in reflection about many things, most notably about what it means to be in between a tourist and a local. I think I sit in that weird place right now, and it’s something I haven’t fully reckoned with. I want to have it both ways—I want to be respected by the community around me as one of their own and I also want to be able to see everything with awe and wonder—but I think I’ve been naive to the fact that this isn’t really possible.
After my walk I was pretty calm and settled on the matter. Today I woke up feeling confused again: I think because it’s the weekend and I only have this and one more left in Shinyanga (oh, ya I decided I’m going back to Arusha for two weeks before I leave Africa just to get a change of scenery). Anyways, although it hasn’t happened the past few weekends I’ve said it was, I hope today will finally be the day I make it the zoo!