When I first started with WFG, I found myself questioning my decision. All of the tasks I do are online. I guess I did go out into the field my first week, but after that I’ve just been at a desk doing things I could do from anywhere in the world—given I have access to the internet. So I questioned it. If I could do all this from home, what’s the point? And I’d been feeling that way for a while. My homesickness surely expanded these feelings of doubt.
Yesterday I gave myself a good reality check. I spent my entire morning with my head buried deep in my computer; from 8am until 12pm I hardly looked up. I was happy to be this way—I’m really climbing the learning curve quickly, every task now takes me half the time and overcoming the challenges is taking less and less time, so it’s very rewarding. But when 12pm hit I knew I needed to get out for lunch. I had completely burnt out and needed a break to reset my stamina. I was going to go home and rest for a little, but then I thought “I’m not here to sit in my room,” so I went on my way to a coffee shop. On my way to my frequented coffee shop, I thought “I’m not here to fall into a routine,” so I stumbled into the first hole in the wall place that had the typical coffee stand out front.
I’m very happy I did this. I was able to sit and it somewhat forced me to consider the life I’m now living. At a time when I needed it most, this small decision to do something new reinforced the whole point of this adventure. It’s not that my symptoms were alleviated—more than anything it justified my homesickness by showing me how truly far away from home I am. It’s not that I felt more comfortable—it made me feel even more out of place with every passerby that harassed me. But it forced me to reckon with the fact that 4 months ago I chose this and I made an oath to embrace whatever was to come my way.
Although I have been making the most of many of my days, I’m sad that this realization came so late in my stay.
After my break I got back to work and was the same way as the morning. I’m really enjoying the data analysis I am doing now days versus the literature review I was doing when I first started (and still haven’t finished).
I went out for dinner after work at a restaurant that sits on my path home. I had been there before and really enjoyed the raw ground beef that time, so I decided to order it again. I think my spice tolerance has been going up ever so slightly because my first days here I was able to eat that orange chili paste, but now days I enjoy it (although I get a little red and sweaty).
After dinner I returned home and was very tired. I called it an early night and went to sleep around 8pm. Unfortunately I woke up just an hour later to the noise outside and struggled to get back to sleep until around midnight. I’m feeling fairly tired this morning, but it’s Friday so I’ll be able to power through with the promise of the weekend sitting at days end.